Fuck im frustrated.

It’s such a shit feeling..

I always assumed I was someone who could help others and my closest friends and family have all stated that I am someone who is kind and generous. But now all of a sudden I’ve realised I am a negative gas that slowly destroys others especially the one who means the most. Maybe I need a scene of change, maybe I need to leave Melbourne for good, so I can stop hurting people when I don’t even realise I’m doing it. This trip has opened my eyes in a lot of different ways, I’ve realised I have been the one who has detrimented others not the other way around. When I go back I don’t know what I will have left and right now it is looking slim. If I don’t have any reason to stay then why should I, I’ve put the hard yards in to be where I am now and maybe it’s time for me to move on and reinvent myself so I cant hurt others. I’ve never felt this sort of sadness and disappointment in myself and it’s not the kind I can suppress. It’s time for me to deal with the consequences of my actions, whether I get my heart broken in the process I don’t know.

So over this.

I don’t know how to feel

Am hurting so much right now.

So I finally think everything is ok and then you go and rip my heart right out of my chest. Thought third time was supposed to be lucky. Obviously not. You have no idea how much you have hurt me. I hope you realise what your going to be missing out on. I cared for you, I looked after you and I wanted you so badly. For 7 months I was happy. And now.. Right before I leave.. You do this. I hope you understand that I truly believed that you cared for me. You obviously didn’t. We can’t be friends. I cared for you to much to just be friend. You must know how much you have hurt me. I expect an apology and explanation at some point. Have a nice life Brendan. I’ll miss you.

I don’t know how to feel.

I have never cried over something this much. Why the fuck is life so fucked. I wish i was just a normal person, with a normal job with no pressure from anyone or anywhere. FFFUUUCCCKKKKKK!!!